So it happened again. I somehow left the door open for not one but TWO of my exes to walk through. I swear old flames are like hound dogs—they get a whiff of you thriving without them and quickly run to track you down. It’s super annoying but mostly no one’s fault but our own. If we’d stop with the selective memory loss and listen to our brains for once, maybe we could finally close those chapters…Oh well, you live and you learn. Let’s travel down memory lane, shall we?
Meet Guy #1: We were high school sweethearts that everyone assumed would morph into Cliff and Claire Huxtable. I was the smart and (mostly sheltered) girl who fell for the equally intelligent school jock with overly protective (Nigerian) parents. Trust me when I say that made a HUGE difference. Now fast forward to junior year of college. We’d been separated for a few years and he was about nine months shy from knockin’ up his secret girlfriend. You know, the fling he claimed he’d broken up with after realizing I was his one true love. He even had plans of transferring colleges.
Somehow we started back talking and reminiscing about the old days. It was like nothing had changed really; and so I thought maybe this little reunion was a heavenly sign of some sort. *insert multiple laughing emoji-es* It’s pretty crazy how naive we can be when it comes to someone who once held a special place in our heart. Needless to say, they never broke up and she was much more than a one time hook-up. Yeeeeah, I chopped a LOT of onions afterwards while also wondering: God did I ask you to bring him back to me- ’cause you could’ve easily sent that one to voicemail?!
Aaanyway, before my second run-in with him, I met Mr. He-Let-Me-Meet-His-Mama-So-We-Were-Basically-Married. He was a year or so older and seemingly more mature (without an ounce of drive or ambition). He graduated high school with the class before mine but resorted to playing video games, working a job below his potential and—oh yeah—consistently cheating on me. Just what a girl with daddy issues needed, right? I mean don’t get me wrong, it was all peachy in the beginning. He was able to come over to my house without his mother stalking us from the parking lot. We also went on dates where I didn’t have to decide between paying for gas or my own movie ticket. Sooo you could basically say I was living my BEST life!
After a few encounters with his lady friends however, we eventually called it quits. Then we reconciled and began an unhealthy cycle of manipulation and stupidity continuing well into my undergrad experience. My grades plummeted and life pretty much headed for the absolute worse…BUT GOD! Because literally that’s the only way I pulled it together just in time to drop him like a bad habit and graduate. I vowed to ignore all “hey stranger” texts and any random urges to lurk on his or his mama’s social media. I had finally been set free from his disastrous ways.
Or so I thought…This year, both of them surprisingly (yet totally expected as usual) reached out to me. I even went so far as to accept Guy #1 on Facebook again. I thought being friends with an ex who I surely didn’t have any lingering feelings for couldn’t possibly hurt. WRONG! I allowed him to make me think I was the only girl in the world again. That is until he patched things up with little Miss Fertile for the umpteenth time and deleted me as a friend. *sigh* You’d think I would know how this game goes by now. Ooooh but shortly after this- comes Idiot #2. Luckily however, he got straight to the point and asked for a special favor. After I lost my religion for a split second and blocked him- I realized that I was the friggin problem.
Yes, I did that. I made myself the Ex Magnet. I am the one who chose to fall for potential (time and time again) rather than acknowledge and believe the traits of the actual person. I should’ve valued all that I had to offer and not allowed time to stand in place for respect. Too often we let people remain a part of our lives all because we’ve become used to it. No matter how toxic they are to our well-being, sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees. It usually takes someone close to us or even a complete stranger to point out what’s been (or should’ve been) crystal clear from day one: We deserve the best. We have to stop tolerating mediocre relationships for the sake of company. Learn to be alone and stop opening doors that should be cemented shut by now.
How will we ever appreciate what lies ahead of us if we’re constantly looking backwards?
Think about it.
Let it marinate and get it together!
Until next time…
Peace, Love, and Hair Grease